its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I can't put those talents on a resume
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
