Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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