I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
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