Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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