it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
