ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
