And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
