It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
