i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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