We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
