Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
you inspire me to be a worse person
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
