i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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