As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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