It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
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Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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