Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
