So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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