just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
