Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
