a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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