Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
