____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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