dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
