You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
FUCK WHALES
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
