So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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