Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
