So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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