my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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