Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
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