My nipple is on Facebook.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
