Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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