but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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