its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
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i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
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does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize