walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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