His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
