Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
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