i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
