Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
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