Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
