Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
