he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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