Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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