So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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