Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
