i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize