She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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