Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Just high enough for therapy.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
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