my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
