I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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