Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
no. you can't hotbox the world.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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