When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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