can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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