ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
