Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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