im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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