life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize
