Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
