My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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