I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
