Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
