You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
