I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
