That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Randomize
