We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
