2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
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I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
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If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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