maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
even my farts smell like vagina
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
