They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Randomize
