theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
