i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
