Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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