Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
