no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
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he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
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Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I woke up under a house in Key West
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