i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
